One of the hardest positions to be in is knowing someone you care about is going through something difficult and not knowing how you can show up for them. Difficult doesn’t mean bad. Transitioning to a new baby is joyous, but boy is it exhausting. Finishing a degree can be exciting, but it can be stressful. These ideas will span being there for the good, bad, and ugly.
1. Cook
Nothing says love like a home cooked meal. When I had my son, my friends set up a Take Them a Meal for us where friends and family could sign up to drop food off for us. It was lovely. While still during Covid, it allowed people to see our son (through the window) and to see people we hadn’t been able to see in months. They all used disposable containers so there was no pressure to keep up with platters to return later. They recently did this for a teacher at my son’s school who had to have surgery. It is great to not have to worry about dinner!
After my mom was diagnosed with cancer, one of my friends stopped by with frozen meals for her. It made life a lot easier to navigate as she was suddenly thrust into appointment after appointment and chemo treatments.
2. Order for Them
If cooking isn’t your thing, ordering food is just as nice. Instead of flowers, a family member sent me a fruit basket when I had my son. Considering we went to the hospital a few weeks before we planned, it was nice to have fresh healthy snacks in the house. Another option is dessert baskets or bouquets. I have taken to sending this to the house where I know folks will gather after the loss of a loved one. It provides snacks as people come in and out and a distraction for any kids involved.
Another option is a DoorDash or GrubHub gift card (look at which is more prominent in their area). These can be sent digitally and can be really helpful for situations when family is in the hospital. Whether it is getting food delivered to the hospital, a house, or a hotel, it helps to be able to order some food that you actually want to eat when you are being pulled in multiple directions.
3. Chores
Difficult times are rarely scheduled and for some reason dust, groceries, and laundry don’t seem to care about that. Volunteering to be a set of helping hands can be helpful for all sorts of difficult times. Someone having a baby early may not have been able to get everything set up, likely had laundry in the hamper, and might need essentials at their house. Someone who just lost a loved one may have their home suddenly become the host site for out of town friends and family. It’s hard to navigate your feelings while also having to clean.
After surgery, or the loss of a loved one, sometimes outdoor chores also fall to the wayside. They might need help getting bushes trimmed and grass cut. This might seem like something you need to be local for, but offering to hire someone to come in and get the house, inside or outside, in order is just as helpful.
Ask about errands they need done. Offering to pick up a grocery order is an errand that can be tedious and thankfully accomplished by anyone local. any of these activities will take the burden off of your loved one and allow them to focus on other needs.
4. Kind Words
I still remember the first time someone said they would pray for a situation for me when I was really going through something. It felt like the most heartfelt thing someone could do. Previously, when I would say that to someone it felt like a dry platitude; something you were supposed to say but did nothing to make someone feel better in the moment. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Those words reminded me of Whose I am and Who was ultimately in control.
Consider sending a text, making a call (at night when you believe they will be alone is often a great time), or sending a card. It doesn’t need to be sappy either! Oftentimes, reminders of a funny memory or a joke about the situation (know your audience) can pull away the emotions of feeling overwhelmed.
5. Gifts
Sometimes the difficulty comes in the form of a long series of unfortunate events or burnout. This is when I like to rely on flowers or gifts to do the talking for me. A friend once shared the concept of a “sunshine basket” where everything in it is yellow so they are delivering sunshine in a box. I love this idea, but my favorite color is black and my least favorite color is yellow. Instead, I create a box with some of their favorite things or things I know they will need based on what they are going through. I typically include – candy, tea or coffee, a cute item that I think will make them smile, and something practical. Receiving something that feels curated to yourself is sure to bring a ray of sunshine to your day – regardless of the color of the items contained.
However you choose to do it, showing up is all that matters. The biggest thing is to avoid “how can I help?” This adds more responsibility to the one in need by now having to assign a proverbial to-do list to you. I can assure you that your loved one will rarely know how to answer and choosing one of the five ways above shows you care without adding stress to them.
The Eclectic Life – Curate A Life You Love.
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